Friday, July 11, 2008

Is Everything Really Black or White???


I started a scrapbook to capture some "missing pieces" in my life. This about my dad & for me to do some healing & to live memories that I never got to live, from a man that I have always thought to be very interesting. Although this has nothing to do with my Cricut, it will as I add elements to the pages. I will have fun using SCAL & Design Studio to create a beautiful book. It reads:

"So, we all go around living our lives and doing our own things. We have choices every day to make, and hope that we make the right ones. We use laws of the land and common sense to get us through each day. Most things are very black & white and most decisions are relatively easy. So what do you do, when there are a lot of gray areas to choose from, and the easiness of black & white are no longer there? Well, you do the best you can with what you have.

So on May 24th, 2008 I received a phone call from a man I have not seen in nearly 30 years. I have not spoken to him since 1989, the year my son was born. This man is my father. He has been an absentee parent almost all my whole life. He was there in the beginning and then **poof** gone! He had taken relatively no interest in me. I am his only daughter and his oldest child. My parents also had my brother Sanford, who committed suicide October 20, 1982. My father went on to remarry and have another family. They had two children, Chris & Evan.

So now I need to make some decisions. I thought that this was something I would never have to do, as it became painfully obvious to me, when I called my dad and told him he had another grandchild and that he was just not interested. It is very hard to know you have a father out there somewhere & you just don’t know. As an adult, I realized it was nothing I did nor was there anything I could do to change this. People do what people want to do, and you can control no one, only yourself & your own actions. My whole life I have been making lemonade out of lemons and it usually works out just fine for me.

Although it makes me so sad my dad has missed so much. I am thrilled he has made the decision to be a part of my life now. I cannot obsess or wonder why & really do not have the energy. I forgive this man who has missed so much. He is my dad, the man who I emulate the most & look like. He is crazy smart & has had many adventures. He has been a police officer, and airline pilot, and is quite the athlete. Yep! My dad is buff! Can you imagine? He provided me this blurb on my family history:

“My grandparents on both sides emigrated from the Ukraine. My Grandfather on my mother's side came from a very wealthy family. He was a very cultured man who played the violin and loved classical music. We looked very much alike. His father was an official of some kind. He fell in love with my grandmother and paid to move himself and her mother and father and 7 siblings to the USA. I believe they married when she was 15.”

So no, not everything is black & white. Sometimes it is very gray, and I am thrilled to find out what the future holds! Here are missing pieces of my life & I will probably cry a lot, while putting this album together. But to not have this opportunity would just make me into another child wandering the world wondering why."

So Dad.........................this one is for you!

~Kim

4 comments:

Heather (Bunnybear/SaraSamsMom) said...

Huge hugs Kim!!!!!!

I'm in tears.

Heather

Susan said...

Kim
What a heart warming story that you can forgive your dad for not being a part of your life.
I think what it is, tht when people get older they carry burdens of the wrongs they have done in life, and knowing that, they want to make amends for them.
For some people making amends is like running into brick walls, because the people that they want to make amends with refuse to accept it. And then it is to late.
So I commend you for being the better person in this, and letting him be a part of your grown up life.
Take care!
Susan

Teolinda said...

Very well written Kim. I can't imagine not having my Dad in my life. I am thankful that your dad has come around and that you are able to let him back into your life.

((hugs))

Kimberly O.

Patty said...

{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}
Patty

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